lunalovegoddess: (me)
Found out Sat that I am not scheduled until Fri and Sat, which is quite a drastic change from working 5-6 days a week. I asked for Tues. off for appointment, and then found this out. Don't know if this is going to be my new schedule for a while. Trying not to get paranoid about this; I mean, it could be temporary but I need consistent hours in order to pay bills, you know? So for right now, I'm just going to look at it as much-needed downtime and focus on cleaning and the kids. But if the boss is thinking of letting me go, I'm going to need to start looking for a job closer to home. Considering that staff has been quitting lately, it seems like odd timing to reduce my hours.

As for the kids, Aidan is doing better with more frequent therapy, even if it means home visits. She joined the boys' cross-country track team and signed up for chorus and band. Aidan and Bryanna were in the same chorus class. However, Aidan's schedule got flipped upside-down the second day of school. I was told that the reason was that Aidan was the only boy in that class, so the instructor wanted to place him in a mixed class. Rearranging the schedule meant that the kids that were bullying Aidan would now be in the same classes, as well, and she would not be able to take theater, either. Since this screwed up the rest of her schedule, we went down to the guidance office to straighten it out, and requested the old schedule back. I'd have fought for Aidan to remain in chorus, except that both kids realized it met in the evenings and decided to drop it. It was a well thought-out decision on both of their parts. They would have had to walk 2mi home and back again, and since cross-country meets daily, it would be too much for Aidan starting out. On the plus side, this means that Aidan can take guitar and Intro to Design, which makes her happier. And we found that the guidance counselor was very cool about transgender students and we have an ally on the faculty.

Bryanna is psyched about her schedule; she has Intro to Criminal Justice, Digital Media, Art and a music production class. Her classes this year have a definite emphasis on arts and entertainment. I thought she wanted to drop chrous because of her shyness, but that was only a small part of her decision. It's her senior year, and she wants to spend time pursuing what she is passionate about instead of just doing something that might be fun. Dropping chorus will free her up to become the Digital Media teaching assistant, which she wants more than chorus, anyway, so she isn't torn up about it. She's also psyched about the camera we bought her for her birthday; Aidan gave her the camera case and SD card.

re: suicide attempt

Date: 2014-09-01 03:34 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile]
Remember when I posted about Aidan going missing one afternoon? How we got called to the nurse's office in sixth grade re: magic markers? And that Aidan has had some odd symptoms that we thought were panic attacks? Well, I forgot to mention a few weeks back that Aidan had confessed to having used inhalants during that time, which was part of why she felt so bad about herself. It only happened a few times, and she stopped, but I knew there was more to the story.
And after the suicide attempt, more leaked out: Aidan began hurting herself in middle school shortly afterwards. The first thing that popped into my head was to ask, "This may sound like it's coming out of the blue, so pardon my bluntness, but has anyone ever done inappropriate things to you?" Aidan gave a big sigh and said, "yes, back in Buffalo". I don't know the physical extent of the abuse, (I said that if/when she feels comfortable discussing it, let me know) but the students that had bullied/ hazed Aidan were very cruel. I explained that sometimes when people are abused, they may react or behave differently than usual, and that sometimes they lash out and hurt themselves, other children or animals. "Cut yourself some slack; you were too young to really make sense of what was happening and you need to work on forgiving yourself" for how she may have acted out. I also mentioned that at that age, kids are very curious about sexuality and that curiosity is healthy. I don't want my kids to be ashamed of this. Being transgender is difficult enough to express without also dealing with having been molested and bullied. A lot of people have gone through similar experiences, people that Aidan knows, so we will listen and support her while she sorts through the fallout of events.

Suicide attempt aside, I see that Aidan is more relaxed and more comfortable in her identity now, and that therapy has been helping. I don't think that she will try again, but I know that those feelings of self-loathing and suicidal impulses will not go away overnight. Our emergency plan is that when Aidan's depression and anxiety starts to feel unmanageable, call one of the emergency contacts and keep talking until we arrive.

Re: suicide attempt

Date: 2014-09-01 03:38 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile]
We had a shaky moment this weekend when Aidan did not come home from hanging out with friends, but it turned out that she had fallen asleep on the couch and forgot to leave contact info. It was an honest mistake, quite reasonable, so we were lenient, but we pointed out that given recent events, we are going to worry about car accidents and other emergency situations if we don't know where she is.

Date: 2014-09-07 12:37 am (UTC)From: [identity profile]
The only boy in class sounds pretty good to me ...


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